Saturday, 30 May 2015

Dear Diary post #4

29th may 2015

all week the hubby has been busy, and was due to pick the eldest girl up from visiting family so i thought about it and thought il go on the train. i said to him il go on the train saves you going later, no problem he said get your self off ... i sat and thought about it for a while as the youngest has a cold and it was raining. i came to the conclusion i would go thinking about the poor hubby and how tired he would be n all that !

Got back to a pissed off hubby saying i was gagging to get off this morning i couldnt just wait ! :o ermm hellooooo you agreed ! so he went on his usual bitching mode ... cleaning !  now im not the cleanest but im not dirty either just dont go looking under the cushions on the sofa ! lol he had a major bitch about that so i spent most of the night ignoring his arse !

diary post 3

28th may 2015 !

today way a day of sitting at home in the pjs doing nothing ! oh and i enjoyed it !

i worked on a wedding gift for a few hours its looking great !

Thursday, 28 May 2015

Dear Diary day #2

27th may 2015

after laying in bed for what seemed hours last night i finally went to sleep ! the things going around in my head it just wasn't good for anyone !

Got up in the same mood i sat in the bathroom for 20 minutes just for peice ! to get myself together, i decided i was going to get myself out of the house ! i am forever sat in there watching the 4 walls, so i took jessica and charlie to time 4 play not far away.
                                                         Charlie wasnt impressed !

                                                             always have nachos there !!

It must have helped because i came back feeling loads better even if the nagging feeling of what if the hubby dont love me and hes just here for the sake of the kids !

he didn't get back until about 8 so by then i had managed to shake the feelings off, he came back along with his friend so couldnt really talk and when we get to bed we couldn't talk either !  If that wasnt proof enough of he still wants me i don't know what is lol !

Wednesday, 27 May 2015

A post a day ! lets see if i can get a month ! #1

26th may 2015  ....

What a day !!  first i was happy but then for some bizarre reason i felt low and fed up, we planned on going out but a friend we would have met wasn't in so we stayed in.

all day i was grumpy and upset ! at one point i was sat thinking does my husband actually love me or is he here just because there's nowhere else to go.

everytime i get in one of these moods i think of harming myself but i just look at the kids and remember how heartbroken they will be.

it sucks feeling like this it comes from nowhere can't help it why does it happen ?
why can't i just speak to the hubby ! every time i want to i get all upset and can't speak and i think he will tell me to stop being a idiot  i probably am but i cant help it !

on a happier note my charlie bear has learnt to wave !!! <3 how cute !